Good Friend Bad Friend

How do u define friendship? Who is a good friend? Is it someone who tells you everything and doesnt hide anything from you? Or is it someone who hides facts and shields you from the harsh truth to protect you?
From the definition of the word Friend - it says that it is someone who is true to you and all that? But I say, isnt it harder to hide the truth from your good friend just for the fact that your friend should not get hurt?
I am a person who takes a LOT of decisions in my head with respect to the people with whom I interact. I think and take a lot of decisions just in my head without discussing this with anyone. Is this because I think I am so great that I know what is right and wrong? Or is it because I CANNOT discuss this with anyone other than myself? Is it because there is noone around who would be able to listen to my thoughts without judging me or my friends and tell me what is right and what is wrong?
I take decisions in my head on what to tell and what not to tell based on how it would help or hurt the recipient. I told the truth to one friend so he would be able to use it to his advantage and learn from it. I hid the truth from one friend so that she would not get hurt.
Was I wrong in doing this? Now, does this mean I have discriminated between my friends? Does this mean I consider one of them closer to me than the other? Does this mean I am a bad person and more importantly a bad friend???
Why am I going out of my mind thinking about this? I thought I did things for the good of my friends. Taking the decision on its own ate my brain. Now I am worrying about the decisions I took, because it was not understood the same way I had meant it.
Am I just worrying too much or am I really a bad person and a bad friend? Unless someone gives me the answer to these questions, I think I am going to continue to be this Good Friend Bad Friend to everyone around me.
I am just afraid, this confusion and MY decisions might hurt my friends and my friendship....... I DO NOT EVER want to hurt my friends.

Being nice isnt worth it...

Have your parents taught you to be nice to everyone, especially to your friends? Well, mine have and I still follow it. But I am starting to believe that one should not be nice. Atleast not in Chennai, India or rather TO Indians.
I am an Indian and am proud of it. But though sad, I have to accept facts. Indians have got to be the most insensitive people in the whole world. Indians were known for their respect, gratitude, hospitability, noblity, God fearing and straight forward nice people in the world. But not any more. Atleast not any more to their own kind.
If you are nice, you are only taken advantage of and get hurt. Since I cannot generalise and India is the one place I have experianced it, I restrict this to India and Indians.
If you are nice to a stranger, you are immediately looked upon as someone who is going to try to cheat or con them.
If you are nice at work, to your colleagues and boss, you are immediately seen as a patsy or a doormat who would do all your bidding and still would accept it when they dont get a raise or a promotion.
If you are nice to someone in traffic and give them way, the person behind use scolds you using faul language and people in front of you take advantage of your action.
If you are nice to your enemies, there is something horribly wrong with you and you are beaten up.
If you are nice to your family, that is what you are supposed to do. You have to be nice. It is nothing more than the ordinary, it is your obligation to be nice to them. You have to be nice to your elders no matter what and how they behave.
If you are nice to your friends, they take you for granted. You are expected to be nice to them at all times, even if they stab you.
And all this is only for you. Others will not be nice and they are right in what they do.
While growing up, I was told and I grew up to belive that every action has a reaction and it will come back to you at some time. But off late I am starting to doubt it. Does someone who is doing something bad really affected by it? And does someone who is being nice really being happy?
People who go in the wrong way to get through traffic cause a traffic jam and inconvienience to everyone but gets to his destination faster than the guy who followed the rules and stood in line. If this is the case, then why should someone abide by the rules?
Why should someone be nice?
Why should someone do the right thing?
Being nice is misinterpreted as a sign of weakness in Indian community nowadays.
If you stand in a queue in a crowded counter, you are not smart enough to get your work done.
I have a headache and my whole body aches from fatigue and still I accompany my friend into a crowded mall to do her shopping. At the end of it, I get shouted at and scolded because I didnt spend time with her and she couldnt find the items she wanted to buy. I get shouted by her cos, I helped another friend with some shopping. I get scolded for being nice to people.
And I am expected to feel bad, sorry and to apologize for all this.
You will be beaten and eaten alive if you are nice to Indians. People in India dont know the meaning of being nice and considerate.
I completely loathe myself for having written something like this about my people, my country and go against my beliefs, but I have to face facts.
Being nice isnt worth it........

Lost

The one being in whom I saw and felt unconditional, pure love is lost..... I am not going to see him again. No matter what I do. No matter how much money I give. Even if I give my own life..... I am not going to see him again.
I would give everything I own and everything I ever earn to get him back.
A life has left this earth. Where do I look for him now? Where will I find him?
I just want someone to tell me that he will come back if you do this. I will do it...... But, there is no such thing.
It hurts so bad to know that I would never get to see him or touch him ever again. It hurts physically to even breathe.
It hurts if I do anything or nothing. It seems I cannot escape this pain.... in my heart.

Oh God. Why did you do this? You could have asked me anything in return and I would have gladly done it.

The one being who loved me for who I am, expecting absolutely nothing in return, who brought a smile to my face at any situation, is no more.
He is gone.

I am lost.

Beauty...

At 8:30am today, I opened my door to leave for work to lead my monotonous life..... and I just fell in love with one of the most exquisite beauty I had ever laid my eyes upon.
I felt as if I had been transfixed and a very nice feeling, Happiness, filled my heart.
My 2 eyes were just not sufficient to drink in all this beauty. I needed a thousand more to take in all this beauty and relish it.
All I wanted to do was just stand there and stare.
To spend the rest of my life looking at this beauty.
Hated the fact that I need to blink my eyes as I didnt want to lose sight of this beauty, even for an instant.
I fell in love with the sight in front of me.

I immediately wanted to capture this as I knew it wouldnt last. But a small voice in my head advised me not to capture this as that would remind me of what I would have lost.
I agreed with the voice in my head. I know that a reminder of this beauty would be more painful and I began to appreciate my forgetfulness on a new level.

I knew that the beauty in front of my eyes would not last. I knew that I wouldn't get to spend more than 10 maybe 20 mins with this beauty. But I thoroughly enjoyed those 20 mins that I got. The happiness that I felt in me and the smile that was on my face had been brought forth to me earlier by only a very few things.

I am not sad that the beauty did not last for me. I am happy that I had been fortunate enough to have been able to see and be in the presence of such beauty.

The beauty with whom I had fell in love with was NATURE.
It was/is snowing today. And it was one of the more beautiful sights my eyes have ever beheld. I dont have any words to describe it and I think it would be an injustice to even try to describe it.

I am truely happy that I am fortunate enough to have witnessed this beauty......

Hey I needed to document this as there aren't many a times that I am truely happy in life. :-)

Dressing & Living as per Tamil Culture

Offlate there has been so much of time and energy being wasted on how one of the Indian actresses did not dress according to Tamil culture while attending an award ceremony. Is this really necessary? I thought there were much more important things in this world that would need to be set right before we can go and complain on someone's dressing style. I thought there were homeless and starving people in the world and in India. A portion of the time and energy wasted on this would have been a great help in those directions. There are old architectural wonders which are being lost to vandalism and ill maintanence. There are eve teasing, rapes, killings, and bribes which are making the world not a safe place. There are brilliant minds which are being starved without proper means of education. Our education system on its own could do with so much of changes. Homeless animals can be cared for. Proper financial stability can be brought forth. ... ... These are but a few of the areas which I can think of which needs time and effort to be made better. I am sure there are million more essentials like this that we would need to rectify before we can go and start complaining about the dressing sense of someone. And to all the people who have started up this ruckus, can all of you make an honest statement that all of you (leave ur families and close ones, just you) follow all the guidelines of "Tamil Culture" fully? There are statements and guidelines in tamil literature which state so many wonderful habits and good deeds that needs to be followed by all. How come none of this is being exhibited and brought to light as this issue has? As far as dressing goes, I dont think there are any mention in Tamil literature that states proper dress codes. Looking back at some of our old artifacts it can be identified that men usually wear a dhothi or veshti to cover their lower body and a simple cloth to cover their upper body. And women used to wear a similar dhothi to cover their lower body and again a simple cloth to cover their upper body. Find below a picture of a goddess as depicted in one of our temples.



Look closely......, I dont think people would accept it if girls dressed like this in today's world. What was once accepted as fit for the Gods is not even accept fit for mortals today. And again to the people who believe they are living the "Tamil Culture", do you realise that pants and trousers are not part of the Tamil Culture? Are all these people bare chested while going out. There were no shirts in Tamil Culture. Can someone please show some existance of 'buttons' or 'zips' in Tamil Culture?

Our country is said to be an independant and democratic country. How is this possible, when a citizen cannot even dress according to their wishes. This does not mean that everyone can run around naked, not that there is anything wrong in this, but I do believe life should be free within the acceptable levels.
"Culture" is something that defines the way we live and not the way we should live.

Come on guys, there are far more noble and worthwhile things to do and worry about rather than dressing styles.

Cogito, ergo sum

This article is not mine, but this is something I wanted to share with all.....

Cogito, ergo sum – I think, therefore I am

In the 17th century, the French philosopher René Descartes came up with the "explanation for it all": "I think, therefore I am". I remember this statement being the source of debates in philosophy classes. It was the existential "which came first" story… the chicken or the egg.
Years later, I feel that his statement really is a fill-in-the-blanks statement. "I think _________, therefore I am _____________." In other words, "I think I am angry, therefore I am angry." "I think I am tired, therefore I am tired." "I think I am busy, therefore I am busy."
Now before your mind starts objecting to these statements, let's take a closer look. Maybe an example from my life might help explain. This morning as I got up, I thought about all the things I have to do today, and realized it's going to be a very busy day. So my thought was something like "I have too much to do today." I then thought about my garden and how I like to take a stroll through the garden in the morning and check out the new growth, and see who needs watering. My next thought, of course, since the previous thought had been about being too busy, was that I had no time to take a walk in the garden this morning since I had "too much to do".
So let's go back to Descartes and fill in the blanks. I think I am too busy, therefore I am too busy. So the usual conclusion to this thought is I'm too busy to go into the garden this morning… thus I don't go. [I think I am too busy to go into the garden, therefore I am too busy to go into the garden.] (However, I've been working on this programming for a while, so I overrode it, and went into the garden anyway... and it was a lovely peaceful time for me before starting my "busy" day.)
Another example? Ok. Someone says something to me that I consider insulting or hurtful. Let's go back to our fill in the blanks. I think I am insulted, therefore I am insulted. Now, I do have another alternative in how I "fill in the blanks". I think I am amused, therefore I am amused. Whichever thought I choose is the one that carries over into the "I AM".
If I choose to think someone has insulted me, then I am insulted. If I choose to think I am afraid, then I am afraid. If I choose to think I am impatient, then I am impatient. On the other side, if I choose to think I am at peace, then I am at peace (or at least headed in that direction).
I suggest you try this. Next time you find yourself feeling upset with someone (I think I am upset, therefore I am upset), replace that thought with, "I think I am at peace, therefore I am at peace". Of course, this is not a magic pill that instantly will change your reality (it might in some cases, but in others it may take a while). What it will do is change your perception of the situation. All of a sudden, it places you on the outside of your attitudes, "looking at them" rather than "being them". You, as the observer, can stand back and see "you" the "action figure" (or the actor if you will) choosing to play the role of "I am upset", "I am angry", "I am at peace", "I am too busy", "I am hurt", etc.
Once you start saying "I think I am at peace, therefore I am at peace" something shifts. It lets you see that there is another option. You are not cemented into your reactions -- they are a choice, even though we've often overlooked the fact that we had a choice. Saying I am at peace, (even if we don't feel it in the moment) helps shift our attitude from upset and anger, to a focus on choosing inner peace.
When you hear someone saying negative comments about you, your automatic programmed response may be "I am upset" (I think I am upset, therefore I am upset). However, in that moment, or in the moments following it, you can change that to "I think I am able to let that go, therefore I am able to let that go."
First the thought, then the action. It's always been that way. Everything starts with a thought. Even conception starts with a thought. You first think about doing something and then do it (or decide not to do it). All inventions started with a thought. Thomas Edison didn't invent the light bulb without first having a thought (or many thoughts) about it.
The thoughts always precede the actions. Thus the importance of "managing" our thoughts and not let them run rampant. They are not the "directors" of our show. They are simply the precursors to action. So if you don't like the direction your life is taking, or your day, or a particular interaction, take a look at your thoughts. Maybe you're thinking "this situation stinks". Take that thought back to our "fill-in-the-blanks". I think this situation stinks, therefore this situation stinks.
The problem is that once you think a situation is hopeless, then you give up on it and do nothing… after all if it's hopeless, there is nothing you can do. Right? Wrong! It is only your belief, your thought, that says it is hopeless. There is always hope. As long as there is life, there is hope. Even in situations as tragic as the Middle East, while there is still life, there is still hope.
We have to change our thoughts about the possibilities, about the process, about our options, about the solutions. We have to think outside of the box of our habitual programmed thinking. If your thought is "this is hopeless", or there are no solutions to this, then think again. I think there is no solution, needs to be replaced with I think there is a solution. At least then we are open to there being a solution and the possibility of finding it.
Anytime we are thinking ourselves into a dead-end, like I'm too busy, I have no time, I have no solution to this, etc. etc, its time to change our thinking. If I think I'm too busy, then I remain too busy to take time for anything other than the "busy-ness". If I think I have no answer to the problems that plague me, then I do not open the door for solutions to come in.
A great example of this is when you say you can't remember something… Try this next time: Instead of saying: "I can't remember" [I think I am not able to remember, therefore I am not able to remember.], say "I am remembering". [I think I am remembering, therefore I am remembering.] What this does is, for one, tell your subconscious mind to keep looking for that answer, and two, keeps the door open to the answer coming through. If you keep saying I can't remember, well guess what, your subconscious goes, "ok, can't remember", and it goes off to lunch and stops trying to remember. End of story. On the other hand, if you say "I am remembering" it will stay "on duty" until it finds the memory you're asking for.
In the same way if you're searching for the solutions to a problem, if you say to yourself "I don't know what to do", [I think I am unable to find an answer, therefore I am unable to find an answer] there again you've closed the door to the answer coming through. Saying "I am able to find the answer" opens the gate wide for the answers to come to you.
We can replace those dead-end thoughts and statements with some that leave the door open for solutions. "I think I am able to discover the answer, therefore I am able to discover the answer." "I think I am capable of finding a solution, therefore I am capable of finding a solution."
Now some of you might be saying this is simplistic. Well, yes it is, and that's the beauty of it. We humans seem to have a tendency to complicate things, when things really are simple… First a thought, then an action. First a belief, then a consequence of that belief. A thought, then a result to that thought (action or inaction). I think _________, therefore I am __________.
We have disempowered ourselves by thinking "small thoughts" or dead-end thoughts… thoughts fueled by low self-esteem, images of unattainable goals (to be like the "slimmer-than-life" model on TV), and thoughts rampant with self-criticism (or criticism of others). Thoughts that are self-defeating… [I think I am a failure, therefore…. I think I am not smart enough, therefore… I think I am unattractive, therefore…I think I can't do this, therefore...] The belief or thought we have sets the tone for our actions, for the life we create.
If there's one thing that can change our lives, it's to change the nature of our thoughts, of our beliefs. We are not powerless. We are powerful beyond measure. "I think I am ______________, therefore I am ____________". It's up to us to fill in the blanks with the reality we desire, not the one we don't. We can change our reality. We can make a difference in our lives and in the lives of the people around us and in the world.
We can be like the little engine that could: "I think I can, I think I can"… therefore we can. It's really up to us… no one can change our life except us… That's great because it means we don't have to wait for anyone else to change or to do anything. We have the power in our own hands to change our life, our reality, our world. "I think I can, I think I can…" and then take the next step and go for it…

Love...

Love. I know, one of the most common of words that you would find in all walks of life today. There is love in songs, there is love in movies, there is love on TV, there is love on books, there is love on blogs and there is love that your friends talk about.

But is it really worth it?
Is it worth the pain?
Is it really worth all the praise that it gets?

Isn't love supposed to be a wonderful thing? Isn't love supposed to be good. Then why is the failure in love such a big crush? Love sounds like an addictive drug to me. It seems to have all the same symptoms.

When in love, you feel you are top of the world.
When taking drugs, you feel you are on top of the world.

When in love, you feel confident and do all your work to the best of your judgement.
When taking drugs too you feel confident enough to do things that you would normally not do.

When in love, you don't care about what people around you think.
When taking drugs too you don't care about what is happening around you.

When you fall out of love, you feel depressed and suicidal.
When you quit drugs too you feel depressed and suicidal.

I know that when you succeed in love, it helps you and drugs don't do anything of that sort. I know drugs are bad for our body and love is good. And I also know that this isn't a right comparison. But just look at the other side of love. When it fails........ Why is it such a horrible feeling? Why is it big enough to feel like the end of the world? Is love really worth all this?

I do love a lot of things around me. I love my dogs, I love my friends, I love my bike. But I don't love anyone (even me) that much that the loss would end the world to me.
I would be devastated if I lose my love, no doubt. I would be sad, I would cry. But I don't think I would lose my life for it.

Is any love worth this?

Maybe... But till proven otherwise I am going to stick to my decision that love is not worth it.